Not that you asked

Contrary to popular belief, I haven't been kidnapped by a gang of MAGA hat wearers with more teeth that IQ points. It turns out that the computers that have all come to love and depend on sometimes rebels against us. I have been writing and emailing columns to the paper, but for some reason that we haven't been able to figure out, my computer and the ones at the paper have stopped communicating with each other.

You've really missed some good stuff that I may recycle in the future, but not this week. That's because that by the time you read this, the Senate impeachment trial of President Trump will have started. Unless a miracle on the scale of the virgin birth happens, we already know how it will end. The Senate will not vote to remove the President. As much as Republicans may claim in private to dislike Trump, they enjoy the power of having their party in the White House even more.

Democratic politicians are no different. If Trump were a Democrat, they would be supporting him, while Republicans would be demanding his impeachment and removal. All you have to do to confirm this is go back and look at what they were saying during the Clinton impeachment. Democrats are making the same arguments that Republicans are today, and vice-versa.

There are two big differences in the Clinton and Trump impeachments. And both have to do with the occupant of the White House at the time. As much as Clinton may have raged in private about Ken Starr and impeachment, in public he never mentioned it. He just kept doing his job. Trump on the other hand, is constantly whining about the impeachment. He starts in the morning with tweets, then sometimes he calls in to “Fox and Friends”. He mentions it in all his public appearances, including welcoming LSU to the White House on Thursday. And of course, he has to continue to attack the people he blames with juvenile nicknames.

Trump's behavior is more noticeable because he has presented himself to his base as some kind of tough guy. Besides whining about impeachment, he moved from New York to Florida because New York treats him “unfairly”. He skipped a trip to a World War II memorial in Europe because it was raining. He boycotted a Fox News debate in 2016 because Megyn Kelly was one of the questioners. Some tough guy.

The other big difference is that Bill Clinton likable and Donald Trump isn't. Everybody knew that Clinton had an affair and lied about it, but they liked him so much they didn't want him removed from office. Nobody likes Trump, except for maybe Lindsey Graham, and he's pathetic. They enjoy basking in his reflected power, they hate and fear him. If Republicans were smart they would vote to remove him just to get away from him.

There is also on big similarity in both impeachments. Ken Starr. The same Ken Starr who forced Monica Lewinsky and her mother to testify or face imprisonment. The same Ken Starr who interviewed everybody in the Clinton White House, including the Secret Service and window washers. The same Ken Starr who as President of Baylor University ignored how the football team preyed on female students. The same Ken Starr who defended pedophile Jeffery Epstein. The same Ken Starr is going to tell the Senate and the American people that his time around, shabby behavior is okay and we don't need to hear from witnesses.

Here's a healthy living tip to anyone who lives in Washington, D.C. If you see Ken Starr on the street, don't stand to close to him. You might get struck by lightning.